Odi et amo...

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?

Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.

I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask?

I know not, but I feel it happening and I am tortured.

--Catallus

The very short and poignant poem found above is by the Roman poet Catallus.  It sort of sums up the subject of this Tuesday's Top 5 which is angst. I'm not just talking run of the mill, oh I'm so upset cause you broke my heart, kind of angst.  I'm talking larger than life, earth-shattering, no one is right, no one is wrong, cannot move for the sobbing sort of angst. We romance readers tend to think of this as angst with a capitol A.  I like to call them Angst monsters.  

Finding romance novels that feature this level of angst used to be a pretty easy thing.  Romances tended toward big, overblown scenarios and epic lengths that really leant themselves to putting the featured couple through the proverbial wringer. These days it is way more difficult to find a truly angsty book. The genre has swung toward lighter, less intense novels and very few writers seem to want to let their protagonists be difficult or complex. Currently, I find that most of the angst in the romance world comes from paranormals. Since I am not a huge fan of that subgenre, I am bemoaning the loss of the truly angsty romance or at least one that doesn't involve a shapeshifter or a vamp. I'm looking for humans and all of their nasty habits and faults that, when combined with the right amount of chemistry, desire and passion, create really amazing stories. Stories where maybe there is no easy answer.  Stories where there may not be a right or wrong.   This sort of angst, when done well, provides a backdrop for more emotion and passion than most of us will ever see in our everyday life.  For that matter, we wouldn't want to truly experience these things.  But experiencing it through a well told story, with an interesting hero and heroine from the safety of your couch is one of the angst lovers truest pleasures.  So, be warned.  The list below features books that are not sweet.  They are, for the most part, dark.  They are dealing with gut-wrenching situations or emotions.  They are not for the faint of heart...

To Have and To Hold - Patricia Gaffney

One of my favorite books of all time! This story destroys many of the conventions that one usually finds in a romance novel. The heroine is a criminal, she is downtrodden to the point of almost being a shadow. The hero is a vain, cruel and superficial man. Their relationship is as disturbing and tortured as I have ever experienced. This book is very dark and very deep and many people hate it with a passion, however, if you crave angst, if you're looking for a complex and multilayered story about an almost impossible love, then go and find this book.  Gaffney is a master and this is her best!

The Lily Brand - Sandra Schwab

The premise of this book was unusual to say the least. A young girl's sadistic step mother makes her the gift of a man. A British soldier is pulled from a French prison and made the love slave to the beautiful and chaste young woman.  She is not strong enough to fight her stepmother, but is completely appalled.  The twist here is that the hero is the one who is enslaved and victimized. That a relationship could bloom between these two is unbelievable, but somehow Schwab makes it work. She carefully examines and exposes everyone's motivations.  And that includes those of the wicked and over the top villain. If you're looking for a romance that is truly different, then this might be for you.  

The Coming Home Place - Mary Spencer

This book had several strikes against it before I even opened it.  It is set in America, in the West and I hated the cover. Once I opened it, I found the over the top language very off-putting and the characters almost absurd, but I could not look away.  Spencer is a master of the Angsty romance. She is definitely more storyteller than writer though.  At times while reading this book, I found myself hating pretty much everyone in it but I kept reading. Look for a full review of this book in the near future because I really want to try and break it down and figure out why I read it and why I have since re-read it several times. It is a crazy manipulative, hyper-emotional, passion-filled mess of a book, but if you want Angst, it delivers in a big way!

Tangled - Mary Balogh

Ok, you guys know that I love me some Balogh. Let me say, up front, that this is not one of my favorites.  It is, however,  an Angst monster of the first order. Our heroine finds herself widowed and alone. She makes a decision to marry an old friend who, by the way, she sort of blames for hubby's death. She is bitter and resentful until new hubby begins to make her feel all sorts of good things. Just as she finally comes to accept her feelings for new hubby, guess what happens?  I am pretty darned sure that only Mary Balogh could have written this book.  

Sarah's Child - Linda Howard

I'm going to mix things up a bit and throw in a contemporary angst monster, Howard's very early work, Sarah's Child.  This book evokes the strongest of emotions from readers, but most seem to dislike it intensely. I am fairly new to Linda Howard and this was the first book of hers that I read and I found it pretty darned amazing. The premise is simple, heroine is in love with her dead friend's hubby, who she has worshipped from afar forever.  Hero finally notices heroine and their chemistry is strong, but he is still living with a world of pain resulting from the death of his family. Hero offers marriage of convenience and though they will have sex, they will not have children. Anybody who has ever read a romance can guess what happens.  The beauty of this book is in the way that Howard builds her heroine.  At first glance, Sarah is seen as weak and obsessed, but you finally begin to understand that she loves Rome.  Really loves him. Not just when it is easy and convenient and fun.  But even when she hates what he is doing, she loves him.  There was a real subtle complexity to this book that I haven't seen in any other Howard romance.  I enjoy her work, but she seems to have abandoned this sort of story and I think that is a shame.  This is another one that we may look at more closely.  I think it deserves a closer more thorough look.  

Is there an Angst monster that you love?  That you love to hate?  Either way, I'd love to hear about it...